Begin with the end in mind

Steven Covey said that the 2nd habit that becomes the foundation for all of the 7 habits is this : Begin with the end in mind. Without knowing where we want to go, what we are trying to build, our efforts will become sporadic and ineffective.
As important as it is for every great company to start with a vision, a goal, an objective which will steer the company and its people in every decision that is made, it is equally important for us as moms to start with a clear end in mind for ourselves, for our families and for our children. Without a clear picture of what we want to achieve as an individual, as a family, what we want our children to be, we will be making major family decisions and parenting on auto pilot, reacting to just about everything that is thrown to us by life and by our kids.
This goal can range from straight forward financial and material goals - what kind of lifestyle do you want to live? How much wealth do we want to accumulate? How long do we want to work? Where do we want to live/visit for holidays?
To what kind of adult do we want our children to become. This doesnt mean that we force our children to become something they might not be cut out for just because we feel it is "good for them". It doesnt mean that we force them to become Harvard graduates who will go and become CEOs in global companies even though they are artsy creative people. But we should be clear on what values and principles we want to inherit to them, what sense of self do we try to instill in them and hence will guide us in every notion, every word, every action we do in the name of parenting.
In the words of one of my favorite financial planners Ligwina Hananto "Tujuan lo apa?" or What is your goal? Only then will you be able to know how much you need to save or invest and which investment vehicle do you chose to reach that goal.
While some people I know actually document this goal and translate it into 17 years, 10 years, 5 years, 3 years, 1 year action plan for their family and kids, some other people prefer to just have a ballpark idea in mind and then take it one day at a time. Whichever type of person you are, what's most important is that you give time to reflect and think this through rather than going through the notions of life on auto pilot.

So lets start with the 1st goal : Yourself. Its always good to start with this question : How do you want to be remembered on your 80th birthday? If you were a brand, what would you want your brand to stand for, what would be its equity, its points of parity, point of difference, and brand character?
Once you are clear on what you want to achieve in this life, whether its professional or personal, then the logical next step is to align it with your spouse and make sure that he is aligned to this, that nothing is contradicting with what his life goals are. This is important. Many couples I know arent clear on an aligned life goal and it becomes a constant power struggle on whose life goal should become more priority. Sometimes its not a matter of whose is more important and should come first but a matter of timing. Whose time is it to pursue their life goal today? When does it become the other spouse's time to work against their life goal?
I have a line manager who managed his personal life very well with regards to this.
He is now a Marketing Director and his wife owns a chain of restaurants in another country. He talked about how each of them had their own aspirations: one to become a business leader in a MNC and the other to own a successful business. The issue is one's aspiration would need a sacrifice of the other's for at least a period in their life. WIth global careers, the only way up is move out of the country at some point.
So between them they agreed that for the first 10 years of his career, she would support him and get him to manager level, learning her way to become an entrepeneur through courses first. But once that 10 years was up, he took the backseat and settled for a slower way up to let her start building her empire. And hence she successfully built her 3 restaurants which now makes just as much as he does a marketing director in a MNC. So net, both have achieved their life goals, just not everything at once at the same time.

The only way you can be successful is if you have your spouse's support to be successful.
And that can only be done when you both know the definition of success for each and what you need to do ensure both of you reach the top at some point in your life.

When it comes to kids, I ask this question : What kind of man/woman do you want your child to be when they turn 22 and start living on their own? Of course we all want our kids to be happy, independent, financially strong, surrounded by friends and potential spouses at 22. But the real question is, what do we define as "key ingredients to happiness" for our kids. Some people might put multiple language ability or graduated top honors from an Ivy League university as a key ingredient. There is nothing wrong with that. Lots of people are successful and happy with these credentials at 22.
I have my hopes that my boys will be able to speak English fluently and graduate from MIT or Harvard at 22. But for me, what is more important is that by 22 they should KNOW what their gift is and what dream they want to start to build to change the world with that gift. They should have the courage and confidence to aim for a big dream and the drive to pursue it and make it come true. Whatever it may be. My elder one might become a movie director or a famous author. My young one might become a National Geographic photographer. Whatever that unique dream is, they should never settle for just mediocre.  This doesnt mean I am a tiger mom who forces my kids to practice every day and become champions in everything they do. On the contrary, I give them to freedom to explore but then to make a choice and focus once they find what they are looking for. It means I need to give the right stimulus for them to explore and unearth their uniqueness on their own and build their confidence and drive to think big world changing dreams using that.

Having a life goal or an end in mind doesnt always mean that you will always make the right decisions and does not guarantee you will reach exactly what you aim for. But it is sort of like your North Star, to guide you when you are lost, to remind you where you want to go and ensure that you are still on track. And even if you miss hitting the star, you will still be higher than where you would be without it.

It is where everything else begins.